


25 Inspirational Weed Quotes

by Rag



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Awkwardness, Cringe, Drug Use, M/M, Oral Sex, Party, Post-Game, Semi-Public Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-22
Updated: 2017-06-22
Packaged: 2018-11-17 07:03:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11270457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rag/pseuds/Rag
Summary: “When I was a kid I inhaled frequently. That was the point.”-Barack ObamaDave tries weed for the first time at a post-game party and gets handsy with Karkat in a bathroom





	25 Inspirational Weed Quotes

**Author's Note:**

> shoutout to the trash troglodytes for plotting this out with me ... the good ideas squad
> 
> also this thing is seriously cringey bc theyre all fuckin trash mammals so if cringe is a squick turn back  
> if cringe is ur jimjam youre in for a treat

Dave hasn’t smoked before. Of course he hasn’t smoked before – the world exploded when he was 13, and if his brother ever did it he didn’t bring it home with him. And then, his next seven years were spent doing all this god shit, establishing a new and fertile universe in the face of an unstoppable force of pure destructive chaos or whatever. Where would he have ever landed a nug of that dank kush?

(He could have probably materialized it on the ship. He realizes this now, but he didn’t think of it until the thing was long gone. Alas, sweet whispers of what might have been. Goodbye, untransportalized bud of yesteryear)

So maybe when Rose pulls out a small box carved with intricate tentacles that look a little too much like hentai for comfort (she insists that it’s an eldritch god, but she’s clearly just making a powerplay by forcing everyone in the room look at tentacle porn), maybe he doesn’t know what it is. Maybe, upon first half-drunk glance, he thinks it’s mold. And maybe when she pulls out a long glass … thing, he guesses it’s some trickster shit? Maybe a lollipop?

He doesn’t say any of this, because he knows that when he has to guess at something he usually guesses wrong, and usually on the laughably-so end of the spectrum. But Rose knows him well enough to see it even behind his shades.

“Dave, I’m surprised. All these years and you’ve never seen a weed, Dave?”

“I didn’t say that. I didn’t say anything.”

“You’re broadcasting it across the room. You’re more expressive than you’d like to think, and I’ve had more than enough time to learn your tells.”

“You’ve never seen weed?” Karkat asks. “Really?”

“Why have you? And why did you never bring it up?”

“One, my crazy murder ex was literally a fucking Juggalo, remember?”

“Oh.”

“And two, my crazy murder ex was literally a fucking Juggalo.”

“Oh oh.”

“What?”

“That’s a double oh. For the doubleted mind-blowing you just dropped on me with that raw truth bomb.” Dave lowers his voice to keep the next bit from prying ears. “But like. Low-key, do you want to leave? Because I think they’re gonna cook that brownie.” Dave pantomimes lighting a blunt to the best of his knowledge, which is admittedly lacking. He realizes this when he sees Karkat’s expression.

“No, it’s fine, I’m over it. I want to try it again. I’m so up for it. Also please, _please_ stop guessing at slang you don’t know, you’re embarrassing me.”

“What are you two bickering about? Will you be partaking in this sweetest of formerly-contraband offerings or not?” Rose calls from the other side of the room.

Karkat raises his eyebrows at Dave, which he understands to mean _yeah, I’m fine, do you want to?_

“Hell fucking yes.”

Rose brings over the pipe and a lighter. Karkat grabs it, which Dave is glad for, because he has no idea what to do with the thing. He lights it up and takes a deep drag.

“Holy shit, that smells horrible.”

Karkat glares at him. It looks like he has a lot to say, when does he not, but he holds it in for some reason. Dave is floored.

“Dude? Are you okay? Are you, like, allergic? Does weed make you stop talking? Rose, what did you do to Karkat? This doesn’t-”

Karkat bellows all the smoke out in one thick, foul-smelling puff. His voice sounds tight and strained.

“It’s not! Fucking! Silencing magic! That would almost be cute if- fuck, I-“ he coughs. “Should have let you go first, what the- fuck, fuck- Rose, I-“

“Rose, did you kill him?”

“Oh, Dave, you’re _adorable._ ”

She hands Dave the pipe as Karkat hacks away. He lights it up and draws it in. It tastes weird and burnt, and then it hits his throat, and he coughs, and he coughs again. And again. And then some more. What the fuck. Rose is killing his nigh-unkillable form with the sticky icky. He’d like to say this, but he can’t stop coughing. Rose rolls her eyes and says something that Dave can’t hear over the cacophony, and pries the pipe from his hand.

Eventually he stops coughing, at which point he already feels different. Everything is a little smoother, and it’s hard to concentrate, and that feeling just grows and grows. The couch is so unbelievably soft and his head feels so … high. Holy shit. That’s why they call it that. That’s genius. That’s fucking incredible He hears Karkat laugh next to him, and he sounds really cute. It’s so much more relaxed than normal, which admittedly isn’t saying much.

“Dude, what are you doing?” he asks. Dave looks over at him and he’s smiling from ear to ear and wow has he always been so fucking adorable? Karkat points to Dave’s hand, which he realizes has been absently stroking the couch for no good reason for no god knows how long.

“I think it happened,” he says. “Highness has been achieved.” He remembers that Karkat had the thing with Gamzee, and it’s very hard to formulate thoughts but he makes himself focus on this one because godammit it’s important. “Are you okay?”

Karkat actually puts his hand on top of Dave’s – in front of everyone who might be looking, which probably isn’t anyone, but the point still stands that anyone _could_ be looking. Dave does a quick cursory glance of the room to see if anyone might be witness to this absolutely scandalous display of PDA, but it seems that everyone has fucked off to elsewhere. Probably during the coughing fit. Shit, was it that bad? They didn’t even have any windy powers. God, John would probably be a menace when he’s high. He would probably cough the house down. Dave needs to find him and inform him of this immediately.

 “I’m fine,” Karkat says, and Dave realizes he’d fully trailed off into la-la land. “I’m really fucking good, actually.”

Dave thinks he picks up something in Karkat’s tone. And then Karkat starts to run his thumb back and forth along Dave’s thumb.

“Yeah?” he asks.

“Yeah. How do you feel?” And god Dave might be an awful horndog but he could swear Karkat is coming onto him. Here? In the middle of the party? That wouldn’t make a whole lot of sense, Karkat doesn’t _do_ that, but rational Dave is no longer piloting the ship, apparently, and high Dave wants to land in bonertown as soon as possible.

He needs to respond with something smooth, something sensual but not too-on-the-nose, to sweeten the deal if it’s on the table but not overstep anything if it’s not. Put some feelers out and test the waters, etc.

“Pretty good,” he says. “Are you horny?”

Karkat’s face scrunches up and he pulls his hand away to cover his mouth before he just. Laughs his ass off.

“You’re too fucking smooth, Dave. I don’t fucking,” he wheezes, “know how I landed such a smooth pair of lips.”

“You always did like ‘em, didn’ you?” _Oh. Hello, accent, I thought I’d lost you._ “They can be yours today for the low, low price of gettin’ the fuck outta here.”

“There you go again with the subtlety! But yes! Yes is the answer to your question.”

“Fuckin’ score.”

“Just come to the bathroom with me.”

Bam. Insta-boner. Never has a man gotten so hard so fast. They’re still alone. Dave belatedly realizes he should have been checking this whole time, god, he’s really dropping the ball. He needs to get out of here into somewhere private and with Karkat and

“Lead the way, my dude.”

Karkat pulls him up and takes him by the hand. He drags him out of the living room and into the hallway (past a the kitchen, which is buzzing with conversation and smells like Jane’s brownies and holy shit Dave wants some of those as soon as possible). He hopes they’re being sneaky and not completely obvious, but it’s hard to pin down that thought. Karkat opens the bathroom and drags Dave inside and then pushes him against the door firmly enough to send a strongly-worded letter to little Dave but gently enough that it’s nothing but tender. His lips are warm and soft on Dave’s and his tongue says hello almost right off the bat, which is good because Dave is so fucking ready to go. It’s hot and a little drier than usual but it’s got that quality Karkat taste to it that gets Dave’s loins all a-stirred.

Something tickles at the edge of his brain, preventing him from getting fully into this, but it’s so damn hard to think what with the drugs and the Karkat’s mouth and his strong hands running down his chest, holy _shit_ it feels amazing, like at least 782 times better than it usually does. But it comes to him eventually. He pulls away and stares hypnotized at the trail of spit hanging between them. Fuck. What was it that was so important? Wait, no.

“We shouldn’ do this here.”

“Why not?”

“What if someone has to piss?”

Karkat’s eyes narrow. “There’s another bathroom.”

“There is?”

“Yes. I’ve been there. Please let me blow you.”

Dave’s head gets dizzy at the thought. “Yes, please, yesterday, go for it.”

Karkat drops to his knees and unbuckles Dave’s pants. Dave gasps and strokes Karkat’s hair. Fuck, it’s so soft, and Karkat seems to like it more than usual, moaning into the touch and actually rubbing his head against Dave’s palm like a cat. Then he pulls Dave’s boxers down and fuck. Yes.

Karkat fiddles around in his pants and gets his retainer out, and Dave takes advantage of the moment by rubbing and very gently scratching at the base of his horns. He takes sweet relish in the way that Karkat’s motions stumble as he gasps. And then the plastic is in and sweet dead Jesus Karkat is sucking his dick. He wastes no time getting to business and taking him in deep and wet. And Dave has always fucking loved blowjobs, who the hell doesn’t - like, mad respect to whatever lifestyle you’re jamming in but he’s gonna have to agree to disagree because they’re the fucking best - but when he’s high they just feel like so much _more_.  Maybe too much more, sometimes, and it’s hard to focus on and not trail off into tangent thoughts about how Karkat got the retainer, Dave never asked and he really should have asked, what was possibly strong enough to actually withstand the razor points of those alien chompers – and then he gives him a particularly hard suck and his attention is right back to where it belongs.

“Fuck, that’s so good,” he says, and Karkat looks up at him. “You’re so fucking good, I love you,” he says, because he does and he doesn’t say it enough.

Karkat looks up at him and his eyes are a little wet with tears that have equal odds of being from the dick sucking or some sappy shit and Dave’s heart grows three sizes in his chest, killing him instantly (metaphorically). He tightens his grip in Karkat’s hair and focuses on keeping upright against all the sweet, warm pleasure buzzing its way into his spine. God. He wants a certain special kind of _more_ , but even as high as he is he knows better than to try that. But he does not know better than to keep it to himself, because his mouth is a force that must be reckoned with and cannot be stopped by reason.

“God, I want you in me, so bad, I need you to fuck me-“

Karkat pulls back. His lips are puffy and pink and there’s a long line of drool connected them to Dave’s cock.

“That’s a terrible idea.” He lisps a little with the retainer in, but he’s still understandable.

“But it’s kind of hot, isn’t it?”

Dave sees the agreement on Karkat’s face before he nods. Dave tugs on his shirt.

“Come up here, dude.”

Karkat gets off his knees and pops the retainer out and kisses Dave so hard he forgets to do anything else for a second. Then he starts unbuckling Karkat’s pants and greets his wet, wriggling bulge. Karkat gasps into his mouth-

And then the door is moving against Dave? Pushing up against him. He doesn’t really have time to think about it before he and Karkat are toppled on top of each other on the floor, shouting in alarm. Jake runs past them without seeming to see them and barely makes it to the toilet in time.

Dirk follows behind him. He looks at the two of them on the floor and cringes, turns away and rubs his forehead.

 “Seriously? Seriously? Right now? Why?”

“Why didn’t you use the other bathroom!” Karkat demands, hiking up his pants.

“ _What_ other bathroom? There’s one bathroom! Why didn’t you lock the door? You guys are literally the worst possible people for making me see that. I’m drinking to forget tonight.”

“There’s no other bathroom?” Dave asks Karkat quietly as he pulls his pants back up as quickly and efficiently as he can manage.

“I … guess not?”

“Karkat…”

“I didn’t know! I thought-“

Dirk clears his throat. “Please continue this conversation elsewhere so I can make sure Jake doesn’t choke and not have to spend another second thinking about what you were doing in here.”

Right. They skedaddle, both of them walking funny against their painful-ass half-worked boners stuffed into all-too-uncomfortable pants.

“So what do you think you best course of action is here, Mr. Vantas?”

“We probably should … leave. For now. Forever?”

“For now, at least. Maybe finish the job at home?”

Karkat’s face gets pinker, somehow. “I. Yes, maybe. Okay.”

“Maybe? What do you think this is? Yes, absolutely. This is happening, Karkat. We’re going to fucking-“

The bathroom door opens and Dirk steps out. “ _Please,_ please, please walk four feet in any direction away from the bathroom or stop talking. Death would be a mercy right now.” He unceremoniously closes the door again, muting another bout of retching from Jake.

Dave can literally see the tattered remnants of the Mood die in Karkat’s eyes, blown away by the shame tornado, rest in fucking pieces.

 “Let’s just … let’s watch Netflix instead,” Karkat says tiredly.

“Sounds great.”

As Dave flies them home, he tries to hope that he’s in the universe where he lives this down.  Not super likely, but a guy can dream.

**Author's Note:**

> WRITING FLUFF IS FUCKING HARD goD


End file.
